question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
