so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
