We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
