yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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