So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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