I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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