I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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