I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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