Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
