WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
