I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
