youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
