3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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