i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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