The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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