so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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