Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
