this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
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dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
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Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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