i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
