I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
