I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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