thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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