D3 body, D1 cock
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
