what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I looked at my own cervix.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
