There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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