i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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