so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My life is pants optional.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
