Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
