Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
