Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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