Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
