So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
