That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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