Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
