Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
