well I can't set my house on fire every night
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
