"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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