my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
