I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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