Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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