smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
