I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i need some magic done to my vagina
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
