so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
