Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
