So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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