i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I fill condoms, not promises.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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