I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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