Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
