so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
