There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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