That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
