I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
