I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
