Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
