You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
