I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
