is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
