If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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