So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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