My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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