I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
