Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
