I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
